


not left behind nor forgotten

by elisela



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Christopher Diaz is a National Treasure, Eddie Begins Spoilers, Episode Tag, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, M/M, Post-Episode s03e15 Eddie Begins, Pre-Relationship, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-23
Updated: 2020-04-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:02:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23807350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elisela/pseuds/elisela
Summary: “I just want you,” Chris says, and Eddie can’t deny that it makes his heart beat a little faster to hear.He texts Buck before they pull away:sorry man, Chris just wants a low-key night, we’ll get together tomorrow.Buck doesn’t respond.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Comments: 46
Kudos: 920





	not left behind nor forgotten

**Author's Note:**

> [Chris Diaz is a National Treasure](https://chrisdiazweek.tumblr.com) week, day 4: Chris hurts someone. We will return to our regularly scheduled fluff fest tomorrow.
> 
> Please don't get sick of me 😂

Eddie feels good.

It’s an odd thing to say the day after he nearly drowned, but it’s true—after a good night’s sleep, crashed out around his son in Abuela’s guest room, and breakfast with his team, his body feels like nothing has happened, and his mind, well. If he allows himself to sink into the especially tight hug that Buck greets him with, that’s for him to know. He leaves breakfast with a full stomach and a light heart, happy to be out in the sun, happy to be with the people he loves, _happy_. He makes last-minute plans with Buck to come over after Chris is out of school for a game night and spends some time cleaning before he heads over for show-and-tell.

Eddie feels so good, in fact, that after show-and-tell he offers to take Chris home for the day. Chris clings to him a little more than normal; actually allowing Eddie to pick him up and carry him, which hasn’t happened for months. “Buck’s gonna come over for game night,” he says, juggling still holding onto Chris and getting the car door open. 

“No,” Chris says, burying his head into Eddie’s shoulder. 

Eddie stops. “No? You usually beg for Buck to come over. Last week you asked him to move in.”

“I just want you,” Chris says, and Eddie can’t deny that it makes his heart beat a little faster to hear. 

He texts Buck before they pull away: _sorry man, Chris just wants a low-key night, we’ll get together tomorrow_.

Buck doesn’t respond. 

Chris is quiet that night; Eddie checks his temperature three times, but it’s normal. He chalks it up to the discussion about his Silver Star and allows himself to just enjoy the way Christopher curls around him while he reads aloud. 

He’s in the kitchen making scrambled eggs and toast—the one breakfast he knows how to make well—when Christopher makes his appearance, yawning and knocking into things. His face is pale, dark circles smudged under his eyes, and Eddie can’t stop staring at him. 

“Chris, what’s wrong? Did you not sleep well?”

Chris shrugs. “Guess not,” he says. “Can you pour me milk, Dad? Please?”

Eddie frowns. “Are you sure you’re alright? Do we need to go to the doctors?” First the clinging, not wanting Buck, and now this—Eddie can’t deny being a little worried.

“I’m just tired, Dad,” Chris says. “Sorry.”

He kisses the top of his son’s head. “It’s okay, mijo. Should we invite Buck over for a movie day?”

Chris shakes his head, and Eddie doesn’t push it. When Buck texts him later, asking if they want to go to the park, he tells him that Chris isn’t feeling well and leaves it at that.

Buck knocks on the door the next morning, and Eddie can’t help but smile when he sees him. “Don’t tell me you lost your key, Buck,” he teases, and Buck just shrugs, looking down at the ground. 

“Wasn’t sure if I was welcome,” Buck finally says.

He still isn’t looking at Eddie, so Eddie reaches out, curls a hand around Buck’s arm and yanks him over the threshold. “You’re not a guest here, Buck,” he says, pulling him in close. “Don’t ever knock on my door again.”

Buck laughs against his shoulder, and their embrace shifts from tentative to more solid, Buck holding onto him like a lifeline. Eddie finds his hands wandering up to Buck’s hair, running up and down Buck’s back, happy and grateful to feel the warm, firm body underneath his hands. He will not dwell on how he almost lost this—he’s told himself that over and over for the last forty-eight hours—he will just be content in the knowledge that he’s still here, that he still has time.

“That’s usually a threat,” Buck says eventually, letting go of him. “I thought maybe you were using Chris as an excuse to blow me off.”

Eddie bites down on his tongue, but can’t help raising an eyebrow at Buck’s phrase, though he doesn’t seem to notice that Eddie’s having the same reaction a twelve year old would have. He wants so badly to make a joke, to lighten the mood, but a big part of him is done doing this dance with Buck, is done wasting time, so he only says “Why would I do that?”

Buck shrugs and looks away. 

Eddie sighs. If today’s not the day, he can live with that. “Well, I know you didn’t show up at 8:00 on Sunday morning for no reason, so get your ass into the kitchen and start making pancakes.”

“Dick,” Buck mutters, but he has a smile on his face as he moves around Eddie and heads towards the kitchen.

Eddie makes his way towards his son’s room, picking up stray pieces of clothing and toys as he goes. Dumping them behind the door—Chris can deal with them later—he sits on the edge of his son’s bed and strokes his hair until he wakes. “Rise and shine, handsome,” he says, and Chris grins up at him. “Got a surprise for you. Buck came over to make pancakes.”

The change in Chris’ expression is rapid and dramatic. “I don’t want them,” he says. He moves away from Eddie and twists away.

“Alright, you gotta tell me what’s going on,” Eddie says. “This isn’t like you, you love Buck.”

“Not anymore,” Chris says. “He lied to me.”

Eddie pulls in a deep breath; this is not the first time his son has said he hated someone, but it is the first time he’s said it about Buck. He tries to think back, tries to remember if Buck had promised to get Chris at one time, but doesn’t recall anything special they had planned. “You’re going to have to give me more information,” he says evenly. “I can’t think of what Buck did to make you feel that way.” Chris yanks the blanket up over his head, but Eddie grabs it. “Ignoring me is not an option,” he says. “We talked about this, remember? We need to talk about our feelings. So tell me what Buck did, and then we can go talk to him about it.”

“He _left_ you,” Chris says. His eyes are watering, his small hands clenched in the blankets. “He said he would always protect you and he didn’t. He _lied_. I _hate him_.”

There’s a rushing in Eddie’s ears as Chris’ words sink in and he understands, he comes to the sudden awareness that his son _knows_ what happened despite Eddie not saying a word about it. “Chris—” he starts, but a noise in the doorway tears his attention away and he curses. This is not something he wants to divide his attention between. “Buck, come here,” he says, not taking his eyes off Chris.

“I’m just gonna-”

He doesn’t have to look at Buck to know he’s crying, to know how his face is twisted in hurt and dismay. “You’re not,” Eddie says. “You’re not leaving, you’re going to sit here and talk about this with us.”

“I don’t want him here,” Chris says, crying openly now. “Abuela said you were going to die and I thought Buck would save you and he gave up. I never want to see him again.”

“Everyone just stop,” Eddie says. They can get through this, Chris can work through it and understand, they can comfort Buck, and Eddie can go yell at Abuela later for letting Chris find out. 

He just has to figure out where to start. 

He waves Buck over, grabbing him by the wrist as soon as he’s close enough and tugging him down until they’re both sitting on the edge of Christopher’s bed. “Eddie,” Buck says quietly, “I think this is something you should talk about without me. I—I let him down, Eddie, he’s right—”

Eddie throws caution to the wind and slides his hand down to take Buck’s, threading their fingers together. “You didn’t let anyone down,” he says. He thinks Buck’s not the only one who needs to hear this, that maybe Christopher needs it as well, to know what really happened instead of piecing together information from Abuela and likely a television he wasn’t supposed to be watching. “Buck. _Buck_. I saw what you did when I was down there, okay? I saw you.”

“I didn’t do enough,” Buck whispers. “I wanted to go down there with you, Bobby wouldn’t let me, and then—Chris, I’m so sorry.”

Eddie squeezes his hand, and turns his attention towards his son. “Chris, I need to know what you saw—or didn’t see—and what Abuela told you.”

Chris’ eyes are fixed on the blanket in his lap. “Abuela called all her friends to tell them you were saving someone,” he says finally, and Eddie sighs. “She had it on the TV and said I couldn’t watch but I wanted to see you so I stayed really quiet.”

“Then?” Eddie prompts, after Chris falls silent.

“I saw Chimney save that kid,” he says. “But then all the dirt fell and Bucky was digging but he _stopped_ , Dad. He didn’t keep trying. I thought you _loved_ Dad,” he says suddenly, looking up at Buck, his lip trembling. “But you were going to let him die.”

When Buck stands up, silently, Eddie lets him go. He thinks he might have been wrong about being able to get through this. His chest aches with regret; that he hadn’t told Chris himself the morning after, that he hadn’t seen what was bothering his kid, that he’s allowed Buck to overhear any of this. “Chris,” he says, “I need you to know something about Buck, okay? I need you to listen to me for a minute.” He waits until Chris nods before continuing. “Buck can shield us from the scary stuff most of the time, but Buck’s a person just like we are. And we can never blame him for that. He did his best to get me out of there, but no one—not even Buck—was going to dig all that way in time.”

“He said he’d protect you,” Chris says again. “Weren’t you scared?”

“I was more scared than I’ve ever been,” Eddie says. If there’s ever a time that Christopher deserves honesty, it’s now. “But _you_ saved me, Chris, you and Buck. All I could think about was you guys, and how I needed to get home for my family.”

Chris nods. “Buck’s our family,” he says quietly, then adds, “I still feel mad at him.”

“And that’s okay, Chris,” Eddie says. “I feel mad at Abuela for not making sure you weren’t sneaking around watching things you shouldn’t have been, but I still love her—just like I know you still love Buck.”

Chris leans against him and Eddie pulls him close, lifts him out of bed and sets him on his lap so he can bury his head in his son’s hair and remember what it feels like to breathe without his heart feeling like it was about to break. “Are you gonna be okay, buddy? I can make an appointment with your counselor if you need.” It’s something he’ll do this week anyway, but if Chris needs it now, he’ll make it happen. 

“Maybe,” Chris says, wrapping his arms around Eddie’s neck when he stands up. “Is Buck still here?”

“Pretty sure he’s right outside your door,” Eddie says.

“We could make pancakes for Bucky today, Dad,” Chris says, and Eddie laughs.

“Let’s not hurt Buck any more than we have to,” he says, setting Chris down and gently moving him towards the door. “But I’m willing to take us out for breakfast if that's what you two want.”

Chris all but throws himself at Buck as soon as he clears the doorway and sees Buck standing there. “I’m sorry,” he mumbles when Buck picks him up.

“I tried, Chris,” Buck says. “I swear, I tried. I would have never stopped trying.”

“He knows, Buck,” Eddie says. He doesn’t let himself think about it too much, just steps forward and wraps his arms around both of them. “ _I_ know. We know how much you love us.”

Buck pulls his face away from where he’s pressed it into Chris’ neck and meets his gaze. “Do you?”

“We do,” Eddie says. “I do.”

**Author's Note:**

> [prompt me on tumblr](https://hearteyesforbuck.tumblr.com/ask) or follow [hearteyesforbuck](https://hearteyesforbuck.tumblr.com/)


End file.
